Categories
Humour

Read Me Now!!! from Microsoft

Oh no! New bugs have been found in Windows XP! My Macbook must be vulnerable because this email said it is! I better run that exe file straight away.

Hello! Hackers discovered new bugs on Windows XP versions. Now, your computer is very vulnerable to this attacks,

that`s why Microsoft Corporation relased a new patch to protect your sistem!

If you do not install this patch, the hackers can attack your computer, break into your sistem and steal passwords

or secret informations. In USA over 11,000,000 computers were attacked! Those computers didn`t have installed

protection patch!

Please download the patch and install it on your computer now!

DOWNLOAD PATCH: => http://www.bemont.net/patch.exe

* * DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE * *

Thank you!

Phew. What would we do if Microsoft didn’t email everyone on the planet telling them about these bugs? You’d think they’d have some sort of Auto Update system in place instead of the fuddy duddy old email system. I’d be up the creek without a paddle if that email had been stopped by Spamassassin. It doesn’t bear thinking about what might have happened if I had missed this warning. Thanks guys!

Categories
apache Humour Linux WordPress

The real way to improve server performance

If you want to improve server performance, the best way is to move as much of the processing off it and onto the client machine. All those visitors of yours are running souped up AMD and Intel CPUs with their big screens and fat harddrives. No wonder your small little hosting plan can’t keep up. Here are some very good ideas from a Slashdot comment I read this morning.

  • Databases can get pretty slow with complicated queries, so upload your database to the client when they load the page and then your database queries are distributed.
  • PHP isn’t very fast, and neither are Perl or Python, so you don’t want to be running them on the server either. Write an interpreter for the language of your choice in Javascript and move your business logic to the client. This will also interface better with the client side database copy.
  • SSL is a performance killer, don’t use it. If you need to send something securely just prefix it with a predetermined number of random letters and numbers, no one will think to look beyond them.
  • Writing to databases can be pretty bad too. Try discarding all your changes, your users might not notice the difference, but they will appreciate the performance gain.

Check out the original post for a few more invaluable nuggets. If you follow all these tips you’ll be well on your way to becoming a respected and l33t hacker.

And now the big news. I’m really excited about this. The next version of WordPressMU will have a special Javascript client-side db (JCSDB) library built in. JCSDB will enable distributed and parallel access to your WPMU db without the danger of harming your servers. The best thing about it? If your site is dugg or slashdotted then your visitor’s machines will handle the load transparently. Instead of using slow and ungainly TCP/IP the library will use super-quick UDP to communicate. It really is the best way of sending data over the Internet.

I expect Matt will roll out JCSDB on WordPress.com just as soon as a few of the final bugs are ironed out. It might be a bit of headache for Barry and Demitrious to administer, but at least we can get rid of at least half our servers and use them to power a massive game of Counter Strike at the next WordCamp.

Update on May 31st! You all thought this was a joke didn’t you? Well, Google Gears has just been released and “is an open source browser extension that enables web applications to provide offline functionality”.

  • Store and serve application resources locally.
  • Store data locally in a fully-searchable relational database
  • Run asynchronous Javascript to improve application responsiveness.

It’s still in beta but Google Reader already supports it by allowing you to download up to 2000 items to read offline. This could be useful when I’m flying to SF next July!